Bandit Alley
REGIONAL FORUMS => CANADA => Topic started by: jbrough7 on April 30, 2006, 05:21:10 PM
-
Born and bred in hicksville near algonquin park but couldn't wait to get out! Flit around from city to city and then end up back in the country!
Best part about living in the country: you hear conversations you would never hear anywhere else!
Example: (last night)
Better Half: Is that all the paper garbage burnt up?
Hubbie: No, there's still another bundle.
B.H.: Let's get rid of it.
Hub: Naw! Let's save it for tonight so we have something to look forward to!
Worst part of livin' in the country - a 400 ft. dirt driveway ; i have to shovel it in the winter and then in the summer it makes my beautiful bandit babe all dirty!
Anybody else out there countrified? Is your home mobile while your car ain't??
Jim
-
And another one (since I got such a big response on the first!) :wink:
Living in the country means you shop in a country grocery store. Now, 99% of the time that is great, but it's that other 1% that kills me! Case in point:
I go to do the shopping today when I spy something on the list that I do not usually, yes, even refuse to, buy! Women's feminine products... :crybaby:
Like any good and beaten husband I try my best...first off I can't find even the right area for these things so I try to ask a nice-looking lady shopper...she's laughing at me so hard she can't answer - all she can manage is a faint wave of her finger in the general direction. I get to the right shelf but immediately see another male of the species looking at HIS list and scratching his head. We commiserate and he stalks off, muttering something about 'she'll have to do it herself!'
But I will not give up so easy! I peer at the shelf...it is filled with womenly things and stands about 30 ft. long and 6 ft. high. I search for the right brand! Yes! I go for the ultra -thins; it takes a while...skip pass the overnight....what are THOSE things - mattress pads????. I grab the package triumphantly and glance at the list - WINGS!! She wants WINGS; I search again and there they are!!
Stuff it in my pocket so no other guy can see and run back to the cart. Put it in under the milk and I'm ready - or so I think! One last look at the list and I see at the bottom, in very faint letters 'long' . I check my beloved package (still under the milk) and it says 'regular'...I slump, very depressed.
I decide to go with it as I unload the groceries onto the belt...then the girl asks, "Was there anything you couldn't find?" I hesitate but then pull out the package, now soaking wet from my sweaty hands. I explain my problem to her quietly.
She takes the package, holds it high in the air like some sort of sign, turns and yells, "Fred!! Fred!! This guy wants Kotex like this one but long!"
I slink down into my turtleneck as the whole store stops and stares at me.
I can feel the blood rising up my face but I pray that 'Fred' can find the package quietly. But no.
"Is it Stayfree?" he yells back, even louder.
"No, I told you, it's Kotex!!" was the reply.
"The long ones, right?"
"Yeah - with the wings!"
He runs and retrieves them. I hang my head while the groceries are packed and race home to a tall glass of wine.
At least the feminine products were the right ones! But never ever again!!
:stop:
HUSBANDS OF THE WORLD UNITE!! REFUSE TO BUY FEMININE PRODUCTS!!!!
Jim
-
Just hang on for a few more years until she gets through the change. You won't have to buy these products anymore.
But you will have to learn to duck & cover!
-
You know, that never bothered me, because everyone knows they're not for YOU!
Having 3 daughters who were always too embarassed to buy them for themselves, each other, or their mom, I got to do a lot of it.
The kids are all grown and gone and Momma has gone thru The Change, so I don't have to buy them anymore! :banana:
What IS embarassing is going in and buying condoms in extra-small... :boohoo: :crybaby:
So I got a vasectomy... :lol:
-
TMI.
-
Red: My problem was always the opposite where the druggists have to get together with the vets to try to find one large enough to fit! (except when I came out of a cold pool) :wink:
TMI??
Jim
-
:blah:
Don't make me post my pic, man. It's not dial-up friendly!
-
At least it's dial-up! Wait a few years and it'll be dial down!! :wink:
Jim
-
:downhill:
-
Among other things........
Jim
-
on living in the country....I take a lunch to work as there is no place close to buy food - i have a great run and am particularily pleased with myself....jump off the bike and light a smoke and set my backpack on the seat....then i smell grilled cheese sandwiches! Lovely! But the smell is too close! Check the bike and my pack had fallen on the exhaust! My cheese sandwich was getting grilled al fresco!!! Tasted awesome, though.
I still wear the backpack with a rather large hole in it to remind me of my stupidity, (although i do get enough of that at home!).
Jim
-
Jim, I believe that you should be monitored by an adult at all times! :grin:
-
I still wear the backpack with a rather large hole in it to remind me of my stupidity, (although i do get enough of that at home!).
Don't forget, we're always here to help, too! :crackattack:
-
Thanks a LOT, guys...fooled you - I sewed up the hole today -then i had to cut my tie off, however.... :duh:
Jim
-
had a great day today riding in the sun in the country. got to work at the indian reservation and took my helmet off and stuffed it in my backpack - gloves and coat also - I felt very naked . Lucky there were no women around or they would have had no chance!!
jim
-
...living in the country....you often have relatives show up who come unannounced, after me and me woman have gone off too neverland (about 9 pm these days).....got up this a.m. buck naked and headed out of the bedroom, noticing all the lights were on in the living room. We have teenagers with short arms so the lights are often left on all night, and didn't think anything of it.
Walk out heading for the john to do my morning ritual and my sister-in-law is sitting there reading in the corner of the room. I have my little whatsit in my hand by this time, already looking forward to the loo. She peers over her glasses at me.
"Oops," she says.
I blink and say, "Hey. I didn't realize you were here." Then I walk off to the bathroom, dickie still in hand and do my thing. Wrapped towels around self for the exit afterward.
One question: How the hell was she able to control herself??
Jim
-
Riding in the country gives you fantastic journies into work each day! Had a great trip in this am. It was cool at 9C above but I wore my new leathers so didn't feel the cold.
Still am invisible to cops so that is pretty cool. Passed one and I was doing 86 in a 60 - nothing! Then I figured that's all I would see for the day but I passed another and he coulda had me at 78 in a 50 (kilometres). Not
even a finger wagging!! Cool!
Then I hit a nice straight stretch and for some reason just wanted to rev the snot out of her. Had her in fourth at about 120 km/her and nailed her and she really took off! Gotta love the power of the 650 - can't even imagine if I was on a 1200 what that would feel like!
The new leather pants are fantastic! I feel a lot more comfortable going quickly and with all the built in design thingies for sitting down, everything feels great.
Had a thought when I was flying along...can you imagine the Bandits sitting in the factory in Japan? What would they be saying to each other?
(Another Bike):'Hey - I'm heading got a little old grannie in Texas - she weighs 100 lbs. and the weather is great all year round! Can hardly wait!"
(My Bike): Crap! I'm heading to Canada! It's going to be freezing up there! My choke is going to be worn out after two weeks! And my buyer is some porky yahoo that weighs 225 lbs!! I hear he gets off on revving bikes up in the stratosphere! Why ME?? Why MEE???(starts to leak brake fluid at this point.)
jim
-
...living in the country....you often have relatives show up who come unannounced, after me and me woman have gone off too neverland...
I don't know what living in the country has to do with people coming into your home without warning...this seems to be a family thing that some families do and others don't...it always reminds me of TV sitcoms. I suspect our families are very different, since I don't know parents who wander around naked once thier kids get past a certain age...the kids just don't want to SEE IT!
It's like the use of towels/sheets. Some people change them daily, some weekly, some every couple weeks. Or toilets: Some people flush at night, others wait until whoever is first up in the AM. Watever you were raised doing seems normal to you.
-
OK, Jim, bro, I've signed you up for the next semester of Appropriate Storytelling 101.
-
Holy Crap! This country living sucks, sometimes...I have to go through a small town to work and this a.m. it was raining pretty heavy. A car pulled out in front of me (as in cut me off and never even looked my way!) so I had to jump on the brakes. Hit the rear right off and not the front! Back wheel immediately locked up and she started to skid. I was only doing 30 mph so that helped and I got her under control. Had to pull over for a couple of minutes and get my heart out of my mouth!
Shoulda hit the front brake? Both? Opinions/comments?
jim
-
Hit the rear right off and not the front! Back wheel immediately locked up and she started to skid. I was only doing 30 mph so that helped and I got her under control. Had to pull over for a couple of minutes and get my heart out of my mouth!
Shoulda hit the front brake? Both? Opinions/comments?
I used to use my rear brake exclusively, until I had a situation almost identical to yours. I actually had my rear tire begin to pass my front,... twice. :shock:
I mentioned it to the other half (who's been riding dirtbikes since he could walk, I think), and he said use your front brake as your main brake, and rear to stabilize.
That said, as I understand it, in a panic brake situation, both brakes should be applied with gradually more and more pressure, but evenly. Having practiced in the dirt, it seems that this is all true. So far, I've only had to brake hard, not come to a stop (since that first scare), and have always managed without having to threshold brake.
This link should be helpful:
http://www.motorcyclecruiser.com/streetsurvival/advanced_braking/
-
Thanks for the reply, Stormi.
You know what's freaky is I am always practicing panic stops out on the lonely country roads but NEVER IN THE WET!! This is incredibly stupid because that's when you need the technique the most!
The gentle approach really does work in the wet as I don't usually have a problem but the panic stuff made me throw all that 'finesse' stuff right out the window (or off the seat??)
I'm just surprised I grabbed the rear brake right away...I have a ton of gravel on the pavement rightat the end of my drive and have to stop on that every day. If I use the front, I'll go down for sure, so I always use the rear. Maybe that got me into a bad habit??
jim
-
I thought it was bad practise to use only the rear brake on street situations. I'm not talking about unpaved gravel roads, or purposefully skidding on the track, but just street conditions.
-
You're right, it is.
Going home after work I wanted to see how I was after swallowing my heart and it was no problemo - didn't even think about the near accident a few hours before...quite a change from when I wiped out as a young guffer and then was too scared to go near the things for years!
jim
-
You know what's freaky is I am always practicing panic stops out on the lonely country roads but NEVER IN THE WET!! This is incredibly stupid because that's when you need the technique the most!
The gentle approach really does work in the wet as I don't usually have a problem but the panic stuff made me throw all that 'finesse' stuff right out the window (or off the seat??)
I'm just surprised I grabbed the rear brake right away...I have a ton of gravel on the pavement rightat the end of my drive and have to stop on that every day. If I use the front, I'll go down for sure, so I always use the rear. Maybe that got me into a bad habit??
Well, the wet scares the best rider until they learn to deal with it. It does provide a different set of rules. Or at least a modified set. Now that you now, I'm guessing you'll be practicing. :monkeymoon: Same as I do. Since as much as I'd like to be one of the best,... I have a LONG way to go. I might make it by the time I turn 90,... if I practice every day.
The good part about all of this is that now you know what you're programmed response is, and that you have to re-program. And you did it with no permanant damage.
Why do you say if you use your front brake on gravel you'll go down for sure? I use my front brake for all of my stops, and rear to bring the bike to a faster stop, or to stabilize the bike. (Often I use the rear with the front out of habit) In the dirt, I use almost exclusively the front brake. one notable exception is to "slow myself" down when going down a steep sand dune that I have to make a sharp left at the bottom of, or else free fall for another 100ft. Then there's a lot of rear brake and a little front.
It's all about moderation. :wink:
-
The town 'paved' the twenty feet at the end of our drive (it's about four hundred feet of gravel for the rest) so whenever we drive over it onto the gravel, we spew some of the rocks onto the pavement. It's on an incline, and when I get there in the morning and I have to stop to check traffic. If I touch the front brake on the gravel on top of the pavement - she's gone! Started using my rear brake and that's okay! Scared the crap out of me the first time.
jim
-
The town 'paved' the twenty feet at the end of our drive (it's about four hundred feet of gravel for the rest) so whenever we drive over it onto the gravel, we spew some of the rocks onto the pavement. It's on an incline, and when I get there in the morning and I have to stop to check traffic. If I touch the front brake on the gravel on top of the pavement - she's gone! Started using my rear brake and that's okay! Scared the crap out of me the first time.
jim
I suppose asphalting that drive is out of the question? I did that with our gravel drive at one time. Sure was nice. It was 150 to 200 feet max. Plus you can roller skate, skateboard, and so forth. Just don't use the motorbike's kickstand without a footprint enhancer! If you can catch a crew redoing the road you can work out a much better cash deal with the foreman. Trust me! :wink:
-
It sure could be done and I'd love to do it. Actually, they'll be putting a street in beside my property soon (no more peeing off the front porch! :sad: ) and maybe I could get a deal then. I'd like to do the paving stones or bricks, but I found they come out as expensive as asphalt plus you have a lot more work.
Neat look though.
jim
-
I'd like to do the paving stones or bricks, but I found they come out as expensive as asphalt plus you have a lot more work.
Neat look though.
Pavers are more expensive to lay, but have no cost in the out years. If one cracks, you just pull it up and replace it. It they get unlevel, you pull a couple up and throw some sand under them. Better traction when wet or icy. Water flows off better because of the cracks between them. Etc.
On the other hand, my driveway is washed gravel (or peastone) and that seems to crumble quickly and has to be redone as the land settles. Cheap on the front end, a pain in the @ss for years to come.
-
they'll be putting a street in beside my property soon (no more peeing off the front porch!
Put some holly along the foundation and it'll screen ya (unless your monster is THAT big!).
-
Thanks for the tips, Sven...You sure get tired of the pea gravel disappearing, don't ya? One year, I had $900 worth delivered and then less than a year later it had worked its way down to China...my fault as I still had a lot of big trucks coming in and dropping stuff off.
I need more plants around the house and whatnot...I like hosta's but they're expensive here to get into at the start (for the big ones). I'm just finishing my house off and have some pine shrubs around the foundation but not a heck of a lot else. I think I'm just tired of spending money on her...
That peeing by the house is, I swear, my indicator of whether it's a good place to live or not. We're probably going to have neighbours on either side within 3-4 years so it'll be time to move.
Change is good - I change houses and cars instead of wives so that saves me a lot of money! :wink:
-
I need more plants around the house and whatnot...I like hosta's but they're expensive here to get into at the start (for the big ones). I'm just finishing my house off and have some pine shrubs around the foundation but not a heck of a lot else.
Hostas are summer tubers, which I think you already know. Nice, but not evergreen. With your shorter warm season, I would think you'd want winter greenery, like juniper and hosta. Rhododendrons (sp?) are great since they stay green all year, can be planted in shady areas, and bloom profusely in the spring.
Hey, when did this turn into the friggin' garden club BBS?
-
That peeing by the house is, I swear, my indicator of whether it's a good place to live or not. We're probably going to have neighbours on either side within 3-4 years so it'll be time to move.
It's funny, but being able to take a leak outside is kinda cool...feels sort of like the natural order. Everything has to pee, and animals aren't shy about it. In the morning when I let the dogs (three chihuahuas) out, I usually water something (you know how it is, takes a few minutes to obtain the proper condition to do it when first waking)... and thus I have just transformed into Jim Brough, the man with no internal filter.
Is that Elvis in your avatar? Can't quite make it out.
-
You people are disgusting! What if your wives took a little walk with their coffee in the morning and had a nice squat by the photinia frasers! :shock:
Slap yourselves silly! :roll:
-
You guys are #1!!! ( no exaggeration here)
Yeah, my wife is grossed out but I think it's cool, so there! oH, DAMN! SHE'S COMING - NOW I'VE GOT TO RUN AND DO THE IRONING!!
But seriously, I've got to get into the hosta thing...I like that quirk where you can split them after a bit and double everything!
jim
-
You people are disgusting! What if your wives took a little walk with their coffee in the morning and had a nice squat by the photinia frasers!
I'd pay to see that.
-
But seriously, I've got to get into the hosta thing...I like that quirk where you can split them after a bit and double everything!
Um, are we still talking plants here?
-
Sven - Yes, we are talking plants!
We even have a Hosta 'ranch' near here where they 'farm' hostas and if you pay them lots they will even let you go out and work hard and dig them up yourself!
It was actually started by an American - that guy from the show 'Ponderosa' L'il Hosta! :banana:
-
Sven - Yes, we are talking plants!
Well, it could have been blackjack!
-
I think my avatar is elvis but i feel a change coming soon , anyway...
maybe I'll go look at rhodos today..it's just so embarrassing taking girlie plants home on the back of a manly bike! :sad:
-
maybe I'll go look at rhodos today..it's just so embarrassing taking girlie plants home on the back of a manly bike! :sad:
Aw, you got it all wrong! Just doing it on a bike looks really manly! It says "I don't need to cave in and use my car...I can let the wind rip these $25 plants to shreds and they'll grow deformed and I don't care!"
No, wait. Just doing it on a bike looks really manly. End of story. Last weekend I saw a couple riding two-up...he steering, her serving as plant holder.
Finally, doing it on a bike...
...looks really erotic!
-
I think my avatar is elvis but i feel a change coming soon , anyway...
maybe I'll go look at rhodos today..it's just so embarrassing taking girlie plants home on the back of a manly bike! :sad:
:congrats: Glad to hear you've purchased a manly bike! Did you get a good price for the tiny effiminate 600? :congrats:
-
Yeah - I paid $800 for the thumper and that's what the dealer offered me on the trade. I insisted on $1000 and he came up.
Sounds great in my favour , right? But I musta put $700 into the sucker to get it legal again. It had been sitting outside for three years with no cover! Only 5000 km. on it so I justabout cried when I saw it sitting there all rusted out and all. Shone her up pretty good and replaced most of the rusted stuff and she looked okay after.
Still, I rode her for a season and a bit and she only cost me $500 altogether so I can't complain. I don't think I would have got back into biking again without her being so close and cheap and available.
And then I would never have met all of you!!! :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby:
-
He didn't get it, Sven! :motorsmile:
Must be short skirt day at elementary school today! :bigok:
-
Naw - we got a holiday today - boss saw how hard I worked and called school off! go figure!
I heard about some biker getting it on with his girlfriend at 60mph in the states somewhere (on his bike)...wonder what they got charged with?
Excessive pursuit of happiness??
-
I paid $800 for the thumper...I rode her for a season and a bit and she only cost me $500 altogether so I can't complain....her being so close and cheap and available.
So, you sold your Bandit or dated a hooker, or WHAT?
-
Same difference isn't it? They're both beautiful, give you a thrill and take all your cash!! :wink: And don't forget they give you the ride of your life!
-
Same difference isn't it? They're both beautiful, give you a thrill and take all your cash!! :wink: And don't forget they give you the ride of your life!
And unfortunately, you can get a case of monkey butt...or worse!
-
Does penicillin work on monkey butt, too? :wink:
(I must apologize it took four days to come up with that one! :sad: )
-
Does penicillin work on monkey butt, too? :wink:
(I must apologize it took four days to come up with that one! :sad: )
I've found it just takes some long and loving massage by a very close friend, and you no longer notice that particular reddening.
-
Living in the Canadian countryside in 2006:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water..
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying . It's raining cats and dogs.
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house.. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, Dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a thresh hold.
(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old..
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and chew the fat..
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake.
Englandis old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a ...dead ringer.
And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !
-
100F in the shade here today!! Freakin' hot!
What did somebody say? You either freeze here or fry in Canada!! 5 days ago we had frost , now we can't stand outside.
The Suzi was on its sidestand all day and the pavement softened enough for her to go down a half inch or so. Never saw that up here before!
Oh, I wish it were winter!! :sad:
-
Ye Gads! Is this a great sport, or what? I just love riding the two wheeled beast! We're having beautiful, perfect days around 75 F and just can''t get enough of the bike!
I wonder if they have Bandits in heaven? Or maybe I should be more concerned with the other place......... :wink:
-
We're having beautiful, perfect days around 75 F and just can''t get enough of the bike!
Today's high will be 96F (realfeel of 100F). Does it ever get HOT there? Doe you ever break the high 80s? (That's something line 213C, right?)
-
We just had that heat wave a couple of weeks ago and set records. I saw my thermo top 100F!! Even had the a/c turned on in the house.
Are you that far south of us that it's 20 degrees hotter there? I gotta check a map: Found one!
X Jim's house
HEAVEN
========================================
HELL
X Sven's house
-
I juts checked your weather. Today's high (in London, ON) will be 27C, which is, let's see...27x5/9-32=-17 degrees, right? Are you still wearing your mukluks?
-
TIMES 9/5 and then ADD!!!!
I've got some mukluks (actually called kamiks) from my time in the Arctic - caribou skin; the hairs are HOLLOW and that's why they insulate so well. Cool.
Sure not wearing them today, though. :duh:
-
TIMES 9/5 and then ADD!!!!
Reeeelly? I did not know that!
-
Liar, liar , pants on fire!!
(Sven, you realize it's your fault; you bring out the silliness in me!) :wink:
jim
-
(Sven, you realize it's your fault; you bring out the silliness in me!)
I blame yo mama!