Hayden Edwards, Roberts. come on and where did they finish. Aussie Aussie Aussie oy oy oy.
Here's a quick write up I hijacked from another oz forum,
Why? coz it just says it all so perfectly
"The American riders turned up at Laguna ready to wage war on the rest of the world as we've all come to expect. But this time, like every time, it was personal as they set about defending the 'backyard battle of the podium'. Their already strong battalion was boosted with Privates Roger Lee Hayden and Miguel 'we'll call him American if he does well' Duhamel joining up for the day. It was clear they weren't about to let the European insurgence take victory in their own backyard.
But, as we've seen before, it all went sourer than Kurtis' looks with the American boys taking a heavy, heavy defeat from the rest of the world. Hollywood are rumoured to have bought the race rights from Dorna to make a Blockbuster movie of the battle giving the world a chance to relive again the drama, according to the American history books, in which the American riders defeat everyone and take all the victory spoils.
Here's how they fell:-
Captain Nicholas Hayden and Lieutenant Jonathan Hopkins
Friendly fire incident
The battles guns had hardly warmed up when the first American casualties were taken.
Leading the opening lap at Laguna Seca is usually regarded as a hazardous profession as the hapless first rider must plough a path through all the fast-food packaging that's blown onto the circuit. There are bins at Laguna but all too often they're too far away for the chunkier spectator to waddle meaning the packaging is dropped on the floor along with the standard disclaimer 'I'll collect it on my way out…if I remember' being muttered between bites.
But Nicky Hayden and John Hopkins didn't care. They wanted to lead the opening lap as their heroic charge down to the first tight corner proved.
Farmer Hayden left it extra late before throwing out his plough in a bid for the lead but found himself running out to the furrows. Hopkins, meanwhile, was keen to win the battle of the energy drinks and slipped past Hayden only for the inbred champion to cut back and collide with Hooligan.
Hopkins' race was over. The Angro-American fell to the ground bending his pegs and delaminating his teeth. It couldn't have been much worse: falling on the first corner of his home GP caused by his mortal enemy. Then seeing his team mate romp away to an amazing second position whilst he trundled around on a bent Suzy.
Hayden faired worse. Initially the ex-champion stayed upright but the collision had damaged his levers and bent his haircut meaning retirement was more inevitable than the burger vans running out. Hayden claimed afterwards that he had no comment on the collision which is PR talk for 'it could have been my fault'.
Sergeant Colin Edwards
MIA
It was a weekend of trade-offs for Colin. On one hand he was told by Yam that they'd finally had enough of him and that for 2008 he wouldn't be getting a factory bike and the very best they could offer him was a crappy Dunlop Yam. On the other hand he had a new, one-off paint scheme.
Come race day only Colin's paintwork was shining as he fell back from his standard, factory-preset sixth position to somewhere near the Bronx. Tyres were inevitably blamed.
Corporal Kurtis Roberts and Private Miguel Duhamel
AWOL
Uncle Sam would have been weeping into his liberty oatflakes whilst gently strangling his wife if he'd have witnessed the sorry performance of these blasphemous conscientious objectors.
Kurtis, whose looks alone can kill off young plants, was back to his brilliant best retiring after, let's say, six laps for reasons unknown. Maybe it was a government conspiracy to mask the presence of 'the grays'? Maybe the N.W.O. were controlling matters? Or maybe, just maybe, Kurtis needed to get back to his motorshed as quickly as possible to watch a rerun of Ugly Betty?
But Kurtis, the quitting sack of toxic spewage that he may be, shone out like heroic beacon of rich success compared to the comedy antics of Miguel Duhamel. Off the pace on race day compared to the leaders the Canadian decided to pull in for an early shower and to kick the teeth of his hard working crew who'd travelled half way around the world to prepare a motorcycle specifically for him. Canadian? Or French Canadian?
Private Roger Lee Hayden
Action Hero
Being known in some circles as Nicky's dimmer brother meant that the expectations on Roger Lee were smaller than Pedrosa's Speedos. But somehow the farmboy managed to forget his love of crow chasing and barefoot cowshed runs to put in the only creditable performance for the locals. And a mighty fine performance it was too. He may have lost out on the last lap to the medieval ghoul that is Alex Barros but R.L. was only three seconds behind team-mate Anthony West's remaining kidney and six seconds behind Kawasaki's team leader Randy 'it's all swell' de Puniet.
So, who were the Axis of Diesel's who dared to defeat the Yanks in their own backyards?
Casey Stoner - who else? Opinions are funny things, not as funny a monkey playing the oboe, but still funny. This time last year Casey was regarded as an irritating All Aussie turd who crashed too much and should look older. Twelve months on and he's a completely different rider except, alas, from his Australianess. Modest yet consistently blindingly fast Casey is already the star of 2007 and baring a UFO abduction will be a very deserved world champion. Long live the land of the mullets!
But there was not one but two riders from the arse end of the planet on the podium as Suzuki's moletastic hero Chris Vermin put in a dry performance to match his wet weather performances. Finishing second Vermin was able to spray Champaign into Stoner's eyes before rubbing salt into Hopkins' wounds.
At the Sausagering last week the Bridgestone tyres fell apart like a 'get Ellison back in MotoGP' campaign but at Laguna they made an amazing comeback to life that would even shock Barros.
A superb Bridgestone 1-2-3 podium was completed, oddly, by Marco the Random Number Generator.
If history's taught us anything it's that Hitler had a bad haircut and an even worse foreign policy. If MotoGP history's taught us anything it's that Melandri, although a whining bearded git at times, can really put in the performances when seriously injured. It's almost like he needs pain to perform…not unlike certain German porn.
His injured were sustained in qualifying when Klown Kurtis decided to practice his 'retiring from routine on the racing line whilst Melandri was on a hot lap. The Italian clipped the 'even slow for him' Roberts and was sent into the airfence at pace. The resulting injuries left Melandri unable to walk and needing a painkiller the size of Papa New Guinea to even sit on his bike…yet oddly was able to ride like a man possessed…or a man who was promised a Ducati ride next season should he perform…
Fading Rossi with his fading yellow colour scheme was the best Michelin finisher about a week and four days behind Stoner. Last year, when in a similar situation behind Nicky Hayden, everyone still believed that Rossi could catch the American given Hayden's lack of race wins. Not so now, Stoner keeps winning. Game over?
There was also one other standout performance. If you were to give a hungry, homeless orphan a steaming 45 degree slice of a rich 12 inch diameter steak pie for every time a Brit was impressive then the poor orphan would have resorted to a life a crime and drugs years ago. But suddenly the fabled pie, with extra thick gravy (anyone still with me here?), was a reality.
Chaz Davies may have a silly name and be Welsh but his performance at Laguna was nothing short of brilliant. Shanghaied by d'Antin Ducati midway through the weekend to replace the very, very unlucky Alex "the Hoff" Hofmann the Brit was given an opportunity to ride an unknown bike on an unknown track. By the end of the race Chaz was setting lap times fast enough to put him tenth. Whoo! "
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