I'd say drop by a bike shop and ask to borrow/use/buy a bottom bracket spanner. It has the correct "hook" to grab the collar and pull it whichever direction you need it. The big difference between this and the factory one is that the bicycle version is a little longer handle and doesn't have the flat plate the factory one uses for a leverage point.
You should always change the rebound in relation to preload, the shock will not "self-adjust" for more spring energy. If you have too little, the shock will return very quickly and possibly buck you off, if you have too much rebound, it will pack up over bumps and be very harsh.
In theory, with the correct spring rate, the rear should have about 25-30mm of sag and when unlaiden, the back of the motorcycle should not sag. Different strokes for different folks and lots of different opinions, find what works for you and go with it.
http://www.gostar-racing.com/information/motorcycle_suspension_set-up.htm#SET%20UP%20BIKE%20TO%20YOUR%20WEIGHThttp://www.bikesetup.com/Do a search on suspension in the B4 forums, Jay posted up a ton of other good sites.
Also, the front and the rear of the bike should be as balanced as possible so that the suspension works as a system. Differences in front and rear will affect a bike's handling very negatively. The more balanced front to rear, the more predictable the bike is and the easier to maintain speed in corners, etc..
IMO and through most recent experimentation, it was a huge deal for me. You can read about my exploits in the "PVC pipe thread". YRMV and opinions range but as I said, in personal experience, properly dialed in suspension really makes the bike come alive moreso than jet kits etc.
Good luck!
-Randy